Wedding Dress Dating

Collecting your girlfriends together, searching through magazines and ads and dog-earing "the pretty ones," then sweating profusely as you try on dress after dress, style after style, lace, satin, taffeta, a number of other fashionista terms that remain completely foreign to me... Has anyone else noticed that wedding dress shopping is basically re-living your dating life? 

Mine has been precisely that.  My first trip out shopping, I tried on two or three dresses before I found one I really thought was IT - THE ONE.  I got sucked into the accessories they added here, touched up there, and didn't realize this was the first time I saw myself in a veil.  That's where those "THE ONE" feelings came from.  The consultants stood around chirping away about how it was "one of a kind" and "so beautiful on me" and "such a great deal."  (You're so cute together...)

Deep down, I felt really indecisive.  Deep down, I think I knew I sensed it was wrong. But it was a such a great deal.  They threw the veil in for free.  They sold me on "we'll clean up the imperfections, it'll be perfect for your big day."   (Everything wrong will become right before you're committed to it...) Smoke, mirrors, fantastical ideations.  And then reality hit.  

They lied.  They lied about everything.  A single repair was made to the dress, and it was done so ridiculously half-assed they may as well have just left it alone. In fact, upon arrival nearly a month later than it was supposed to, the dress was in even worse shape.  The beading was missing in several places, the applique was falling off, there were dirt smudges, ink stains, runs and scratches in the silk, and sweat stains under the arms.  It was awful. Ruined. 

I had been deceived. I was heartbroken.  It took much longer than it should have to get the dress returned, back and forth with the boutique and the credit card company, being accused of lying and breaking my "contract."  I searched for another dress, but half-heartedly.  I had made the wrong choice before.  What if I did it again?  Finally, after literally three full months, the credit card company found the transaction to be fraud and the boutique refunded the money.  (Read my review on Yelp here) I was finally free to make another decision.

More shopping, more trying on dresses, and rejecting them. I was running out of time and needed to make a decision. (Tick tock tick tock...) Two dresses at two different shops were in the final running.  Both were very similar to an idea I had floating around in my head.  I tried both on multiple times, deliberating over "taking out a layer of fluffy stuff, altering the waistline, switch out beading, add a belt," with both consultants. After taking off one of the dresses, emotionally exhausted, indecisive, feeling beat up and defeated, I bonded with a consultant over military spouse life, both of us desperately seeking a last-minute gown for an upcoming post social.  Then she gave me the best advice I could have ever gotten: "If you're not sure, maybe neither one is it."  

On one hand, I felt even more rushed than ever.  I have not found the dress, the wedding is in six months and two weeks, and I'm running out of time.  On another hand, I felt refreshed.  I didn't have to decide between this dress I like that just wasn't giving me that fluttery feeling, and that dress that was quite nice but was missing something I can't put my finger on.  I was freed to find THE dress - THE ONE.  More shopping, more dresses, more indecision...

And then I found it.  The fluttery feeling, the I can't think about anything else, the wow is this for real?

You'd think the battle was won, but life had just one more curve ball for me.  This perfect dress I had found online.  By a designer that is not very popular in the States.  Only one shop in 200 mile radius carried this designer.  And they might not have that particular gown. I then was immersed in a new kind of debate - Do I keep fighting for this dress, even though it's inconvenient and is a huge risk, or do I give up on it, wash my hands of this perfect dress, and hope to find one that maybe somehow could hold a candle to it?

All who know me well and have been with me on this journey over the past six years that led me to Matt are thinking this singular thought: "Whoa."  

I know.

My dress journey has been a direct reflection of my dating journey.  Every bump, every uncertainty, every mistake, concern, self-doubt, close call, and final leap of faith, has been, almost verbadum, my journey to finding the love of my life.

Spooky, right?

Wedding Planning Advice That Will Save Your Marriage

Yes, I’ve been absent.  Bad blogger.

As it turns out, constantly writing news-worthy press releases, catchy Facebook posts, and SEO-rich blogs kinda drains oneself of the motivation to type out one’s meandering thoughts.  I’ll admit, I’ve noticed a significant side effect to not writing, but that’s another story for another day.

Today’s story launches off of some pretty life-altering news for me.  An event that occurred on December 8th of last year - the evening a pretty cool guy asked me to marry him.

I said yes, in case you were wondering.

And we were so excited - and still are - to start our life together by sharing the moment we exchange vows with all of our loved ones.

Now, I know a lot of people who got engaged recently.  Like, a LOT.  Pretty much seeing engagement announcements every weekend these days.  And I’m over the moon happy for every last one of them (those people out there nay-saying engagement and pregnancy announcements - STAHPIT. They’re not hatin’ on your weekly hangovers and careless jaunts to nowhere. Quit hatin’ on their own version of happiness).  

But there’s a seedy side to getting engaged people warn you about, and don’t really provide a solution for.  I don’t like problems with no solution.  It’s like a hot dog with no bun. Or a “buh-dum” without a “ch!” So the anxiety, the - yea I’m using the word - STRESS - it kind of started to get to me - to both of us.  

Well, I found a solution. And I’m going to share it with all of you brides and grooms out there planning your wedding.  

SCREW IT.

Yep, you heard me.

SCREW IT ALL.

No, I don’t mean dump the plans you’ve had whirling around in your head since you were seven chasing or being chased by the cute kid with the buck teeth on the playground.  I don’t mean blow the budget and spend the rest of better or worses eating beans out of a can and fighting over who gets to sit in the lawn chair over the hand-me-down bark-a-lounger because you’re so severely in debt you can’t afford dishes, furniture, or the electric bill. I’m not encouraging you to light the extended family’s invitations in a giant bonfire and dance around it laughing maniacally while smearing the juice of berries down your arms and red clay on your face.

Although you should know all of the above options will - I don’t mean might, but will - cross your mind at some point or another.  And they are going to sound kind of appealing.  It really won’t seem that crazy.

What I mean is this:  The man who got down on one knee five months ago and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him is the only damn thing that matters in this whole ordeal.  The life we build together, the health of our relationship, the faith and trust and respect we instill so vulnerably in one another - THAT is ALL that tops the list above all else.  

Now I’ll admit sometimes I suspect I may be naive for thinking it, but Matt and I have an awesome relationship. And I’m not just saying this to sound like I’m living the most perfect life and others should be envious, because both of us have already made mistakes and have hurt each other, but I sincerely believe that I am the luckiest girl in the world.  Because I have found this man - this incredible, wonderful, ambitious, caring, considerate, intelligent, strong, selfless, empathetic, and loving man.  And by some kind of miracle, he chose me to share his life with.

Absolutely everything could wrong with our day.  The cake could fall apart, the flowers could randomly light on fire, the dress could not fit, the dj could be drunk, the photographer’s memory card could fail, the families could erupt in drama - and not a damn one of them would ruin that day.

As long as I get down that aisle, and profess my love, support, respect, and faithfulness to the man who literally makes me weak in the knees - and he to I - there is absolutely nothing that could ruin that day.

So that is my advice to all of you brides out there.  Things can and will go wrong.  The decorations will break, the venue you want will be too expensive, the dress you want impossible to find, guests will be fickle and insensitive, but none of that matters.  It’s not about the wedding, and I was just as guilty as so many others when I forgot about that for a few weeks.  It’s about the marriage.  It’s about this wonderful person you are committing to, who loves you with every fiber of their being, and if you are as lucky as I am, is solely interested in committing themselves to you completely.  The rest is just details.

To all of you who are or will be taking the big plunge into marriage in the coming months/ years - congratulations.  And remember, SCREW IT. Screw it all!