DISCLAIMER: This post is to inform family and friends who had heard rumors about my "new job" about what's going on. I don't particularly enjoy re-telling stories. Those of you who are just happening across it, I hope what you take from the following is positive.
This morning I deleted the post I had been working on announcing my new job to family and friends: Public Affairs Specialist in the South Carolina National Guard. It still stings to think about the choice I was faced with, but, to assure all of you now, I know it was the right one.
Two months ago to the day, I got a call from SFC Cashion, an incredible NCO-IC (Non Commissioned Officer In Charge, ie: the boss-man of the enlisted side) of the Public Affairs team at the South Carolina National Guard. This guy had been fighting to get me on his team for months, and they had finally received word that one of their journalists was leaving, and I was the first name to mind as a replacement. I went in two weeks later to meet his CO (Commanding Officer) for a final interview, where they officially offered me a job, put me in touch with a recruiter, and introduced me to my future co-workers. Over the next three weeks, I filled out paperwork, met with recruiters, and started studying to prepare for Basic Training. My enlistment date was set for Jan 30.
I notified my future command that I was in a relationship with an Active Duty Officer, a Captain stationed at Fort Gordon, as suggested by Matt. He had already reviewed the AR (Army Regulation) four or five times to confirm that it wouldn't be an issue, but it's always a good idea to keep your command informed, just in case. The following Monday, Matt sat down with his own command to let them know I was enlisting. That's when the first shoe dropped.
"It shouldn't be a problem, as long as the two of you don't contact one another while she's in training," they said.
We chalked it up to being an illegal relationship because Matt was going to be commanding Trainees (brand-new soldiers, still in initial training to become full-fledged soldiers), and decided that since my training would only be six months, vs a lifetime of opportunity opened up for me, it would be worth it (our chalk was uninformed). But, just in case, I wanted Matt to check with JAG (military legal professionals) to be sure that it wouldn't have any long-term harm on his career if we were in contact at some point. While he tried to pin down some straight answers, I moved forward with filling out paperwork and background checks. Luckily, due to getting hit with a vicious cold virus, my enlistment date was pushed to Feb 1, a 24-hour period that may have saved us from a huge mistake.
On Jan 29th, Matt finally snagged a meeting with a JAG officer. He called home directly following the meeting, and with a grave tone in his voice, informed me that our relationship would be deemed illegal anytime I was called to Active Duty.
For any other National Guard unit, this wouldn't be a big deal. But for the PAO (Public Affairs Office), who are activated frequently (roughly 3-5 days every month, sometimes more) for missions both interstate, and abroad, who were due for a nine-month deployment in January of 2014, who are activated for any natural disaster (like Irene, Katrina, tornadoes in Kansas, etc), or any national interest (half his team were deployed to New Mexico for a nine-month mission covering border control), it's a big deal. Any and every time I was activated, we would be risking not only Matt's military career, but also his capacity to pursue a civilian career afterward due to putting him on the line for a dishonorable discharge (for an "inappropriate relationship between enlisted member and an officer"), and becoming unemployable. We did everything we could to find a loophole. My NCO consulted his JAG officers, Matt spoke with two more JAG officers on multiple occasions, I delved through dozens of legal briefs my recruiter e-mailed to me. The regulation was black and white - our relationship would be deemed illegal for the whole of my eight years serving as an enlisted soldier with the National Guard. It didn't matter that it was a pre-existing relationship; it didn't matter that we wouldn't be serving in the same units; the bottom line was that, not only did his command already know we were together, but his JAG office knew. All it would take is one slip-up - one wrong Facebook post that the FRG (Family Readiness Group, made up of military wives) saw and questioned what I did for a living, one awkward moment at an event where someone asked Matt where I was if I was on a mission or deployed, and he hesitated how to answer, one devious or vindictive coworker reporting us - and my dream job would challenge Matt's entire career, everything he has worked so hard for. It would challenge us, as a couple.
Sure, we had other options. But they were limited - 1) Break up or 2) Turn down the job. The Army was, for all intensive purposes, asking me to choose between the best thing that has ever happened to me, and my dream job.
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| Courtesy of Mr. Vaughan, Matt and I at his Battle Buddy/ our best friend's Change of Command ceremony last November. |
Well, breaking up wasn't even on the table. For either one of us, we didn't even discuss it. I had just moved in with Matt on Jan 12, we were (and are) infinitely happy together. And I had always believed that if you were doing something you had to hide, than you shouldn't be doing it. We didn't want to hide. And with literally no precedence to refer to on how harsh the punishments could get if we got caught, risking Matt's career just wasn't worth it.
So a very difficult, very late night discussing our options, with (I'm a journalist, so I'll tell the real story how it happened) several tearful moments buried into Matt's chest, I called SFC Cashion at 9:30 AM on Jan 30th (my original enlistment date), and told him I could not accept his offer.
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| Headed out on the town on our first weekend away together, in Charleston, SC. September 2012. |
Perhaps right now you're criticizing me; perhaps you think me naive, or immature; perhaps you think I've made a mistake. And that's fine. You're allowed. But, as my mom said in the midst of this whole mess: "Anyone who has seen you and Matt together would understand." And my mom is usually right.
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