Big Things Part 2 - My mom is usually right

DISCLAIMER: This post is to inform family and friends who had heard rumors about my "new job" about what's going on.  I don't particularly enjoy re-telling stories.  Those of you who are just happening across it, I hope what you take from the following is positive.

This morning I deleted the post I had been working on announcing my new job to family and friends: Public Affairs Specialist in the South Carolina National Guard.  It still stings to think about the choice I was faced with, but, to assure all of you now, I know it was the right one.

Two months ago to the day, I got a call from SFC Cashion, an incredible NCO-IC (Non Commissioned Officer In Charge, ie: the boss-man of the enlisted side) of the Public Affairs team at the South Carolina National Guard.  This guy had been fighting to get me on his team for months, and they had finally received word that one of their journalists was leaving, and I was the first name to mind as a replacement.  I went in two weeks later to meet his CO (Commanding Officer) for a final interview, where they officially offered me a job, put me in touch with a recruiter, and introduced me to my future co-workers.  Over the next three weeks, I filled out paperwork, met with recruiters, and started studying to prepare for Basic Training.  My enlistment date was set for Jan 30.

I notified my future command that I was in a relationship with an Active Duty Officer, a Captain stationed at Fort Gordon, as suggested by Matt. He had already reviewed the AR (Army Regulation) four or five times to confirm that it wouldn't be an issue, but it's always a good idea to keep your command informed, just in case.  The following Monday, Matt sat down with his own command to let them know I was enlisting.  That's when the first shoe dropped.

"It shouldn't be a problem, as long as the two of you don't contact one another while she's in training," they said.

We chalked it up to being an illegal relationship because Matt was going to be commanding Trainees (brand-new soldiers, still in initial training to become full-fledged soldiers), and decided that since my training would only be six months, vs a lifetime of opportunity opened up for me, it would be worth it (our chalk was uninformed).  But, just in case, I wanted Matt to check with JAG (military legal professionals) to be sure that it wouldn't have any long-term harm on his career if we were in contact at some point.  While he tried to pin down some straight answers, I moved forward with filling out paperwork and background checks.  Luckily, due to getting hit with a vicious cold virus, my enlistment date was pushed to Feb 1, a 24-hour period that may have saved us from a huge mistake.

On Jan 29th, Matt finally snagged a meeting with a JAG officer.  He called home directly following the meeting, and with a grave tone in his voice, informed me that our relationship would be deemed illegal anytime I was called to Active Duty.

For any other National Guard unit, this wouldn't be a big deal.  But for the PAO (Public Affairs Office), who are activated frequently (roughly 3-5 days every month, sometimes more) for missions both interstate, and abroad,  who were due for a nine-month deployment in January of 2014, who are activated for any natural disaster (like Irene, Katrina, tornadoes in Kansas, etc), or any national interest (half his team were deployed to New Mexico for a nine-month mission covering border control), it's a big deal.  Any and every time I was activated, we would be risking not only Matt's military career, but also his capacity to pursue a civilian career afterward due to putting him on the line for a dishonorable discharge (for an "inappropriate relationship between enlisted member and an officer"), and becoming unemployable.  We did everything we could to find a loophole.  My NCO consulted his JAG officers, Matt spoke with two more JAG officers on multiple occasions, I delved through dozens of legal briefs my recruiter e-mailed to me.  The regulation was black and white - our relationship would be deemed illegal for the whole of my eight years serving as an enlisted soldier with the National Guard.  It didn't matter that it was a pre-existing relationship; it didn't matter that we wouldn't be serving in the same units; the bottom line was that, not only did his command already know we were together, but his JAG office knew.  All it would take is one slip-up - one wrong Facebook post that the FRG (Family Readiness Group, made up of military wives) saw and questioned what I did for a living, one awkward moment at an event where someone asked Matt where I was if I was on a mission or deployed, and he hesitated how to answer, one devious or vindictive coworker reporting us - and my dream job would challenge Matt's entire career, everything he has worked so hard for.  It would challenge us, as a couple.

Sure, we had other options.  But they were limited - 1) Break up or 2) Turn down the job.  The Army was, for all intensive purposes, asking me to choose between the best thing that has ever happened to me, and my dream job. 

Courtesy of Mr. Vaughan, Matt and I at his Battle Buddy/ our best friend's Change of Command ceremony last November.

Well, breaking up wasn't even on the table.  For either one of us, we didn't even discuss it.  I had just moved in with Matt on Jan 12, we were (and are) infinitely happy together.  And I had always believed that if you were doing something you had to hide, than you shouldn't be doing it.  We didn't want to hide.  And with literally no precedence to refer to on how harsh the punishments could get if we got caught, risking Matt's career just wasn't worth it.

So a very difficult, very late night discussing our options, with (I'm a journalist, so I'll tell the real story how it happened) several tearful moments buried into Matt's chest, I called SFC Cashion at 9:30 AM on Jan 30th (my original enlistment date), and told him I could not accept his offer.

Headed out on the town on our first weekend away together, in Charleston, SC.  September 2012.

Matt and I have a back-up plan for my career, which we're currently working on pursuing.  Yes, we. (And to clarify, I'm not giving up on my dream, we're just finding another way to achieve it.) And no, I'm not ready to talk about it yet.  I'm tired of publishing my chickens before they hatch, so please respect that.  For the record, though, I've known since Day 1 that falling in love with a military man would require it's sacrifices.  This is one of them, and though I can't say I was happy to do it, I am happy that I can say with all confidence that Matt is just as invested in my professional success as I am in his.  We will get there, and we will do it together. And I find that I am ridiculously proud of him, what he does, and who he is, every single hour of every single day.  I do not, nor will I ever, regret this decision.

Perhaps right now you're criticizing me; perhaps you think me naive, or immature; perhaps you think I've made a mistake.  And that's fine.  You're allowed.  But, as my mom said in the midst of this whole mess: "Anyone who has seen you and Matt together would understand."  And my mom is usually right.

Source: imgfave.com via Maiysha on Pinterest

Big Things Part 1: Matt's Change of Command

I realize I've been silent for the past six weeks, and I apologize (mostly to myself) for it.  I won't go into all of the details just yet, but on top of the frustrations of getting kicked on my butt with a vicious cold virus, continuing to struggle with healing my feet, and frantically preparing for Matt's Change of Command, I got a job offer that also required an enormous amount of attention.  I was keeping it close to my chest during the process because this is a job I had been unofficially offered before.  I made a big to-do about it back then, and it ended up falling through.  This time, the offer was official, and literally two days before I was scheduled to sign on the dotted line to accept it, I had to turn it down.

There are a lot of reasons why I decided on that route, and, like I said, I won't go into all of the details just yet.  All of you who are shaking your fists at me and calling me an idiot, slow your roll.  A lot of big things have been in the making, and I'll get to it. The point right now is that, thus far, 2013 has been very hard on us (us being Matt and myself.)  Up until yesterday, we didn't have a lot to celebrate, just a series of disappointing news stacking up on top of each other.  But, yesterday, at 8am, Matt accepted responsibility of 300 AIT soldiers. (AIT = Advanced Individual Training.  This is where soldiers learn their MOS or their job in the Army.  Kind of a college crash course. Matt's company is full of computer guys.  Their jobs will basically be the IT guys of the Army.)

Every day for the past two months, Matt has had a daily quota of saying "I can't wait to take command."  A quota he has dutifully fulfilled, I might add.  He's spent his time after graduating the Captain's Career Course on staff of his future battalion, meeting colleagues, taking notes, and getting a feel for how things function on the ground. ("On the ground," by the way, is an Army general phrase for "in the area," or "in training." ie: Matt was getting a feel for how the unit functioned as a whole.)  In the long run, I kept reminding him, it would be to his advantage, but I know he was eager to put all of his training to the test and flex his CPT (Captain) muscles.

The eventful day dawned cloudy, slightly breezy, and dreary as hell.  It's been raining in Augusta since Sunday, and they decided bright and early in the week to move the ceremony indoors.  To my grave displeasure.  With funds running freakishly meager, I decided not to waste gas money on renting a lens for the occasion and just hope with every fiber of my being that the weather would heed my call.  To no avail.  So I packed up all my less-than-worthy zoom lenses and hoped for the best.  The pictures did not turn out to my standards, and I'm not pleased with them, but I remind you (and myself) that I was seated as part of the family of the new commander, and didn't precisely have the freedoms to wander around snapping my shutter like the three PAOs I enviously observed circling INSIDE the formation (ugh!).  Captions explain what's going on in the shots.

The company Matt took over dubs themselves "C-Rock."  C standing for Charlie Company, and The Rock (like from Fantastic Four) being their mascot.  The Spartan helmet represents the Battalion - 447th - "The Spartans."

Captain Daley, who received the guidon (the flag) from 1SG Johnson (the commander of troops; ie: the company commander's right hand man, he executes the orders), hands the guidon on to his battalion commander, LTC Ruder.  During Change of Command ceremonies, the handing of the guidon signifies the flow of responsibility.  Commander of Troops to Outgoing Commander to Battalion Commander to Incoming Commander back to Commander of Troops, it goes up the chain of command, and back down again.

I'm still surprised he managed not to grin when LTC Ruder handed him the guidon.

After the handing of the guidon, the speeches begin, starting with the battalion commander.  LTC Ruder talked about how Matt was "chomping at the bit," to take command, and even mentioned how I "confirmed his suspicions" that Matt was ready to get out of Staff Duty and into the boss-man role.  (Oops.)

CPT Daley (Jeff), the Outgoing Commander, had trouble getting through his speech as he thanked all of the people who helped him through it, including his wife and children for being so understanding in how they had to "share daddy with others."

CPT Daley left Matt a present on top of his speech - a diaper, to tease him about his youth, just as Matt had teased Jeff about his age.  Matt is the youngest Company Commander in the Battalion, possibly even the Brigade, as most before him were "prior enlisted," meaning they had been soldiers before becoming officers.

Matt's speech was short and sweet, at less than a minute.  He set a precedence for himself that he tends to keep.  "I hate when a brief isn't brief," he told me later that night.  He kept to his word this morning during his first safety brief of his NCOs (Non-Commissioned Officers, the soldiers who execute his orders and oversee the AIT soldiers), and intends to continue doing so through tonight's safety brief of the trainees.

Matt salutes his commander, LTC Ruder, as Ruder leaves the formation, and thus leaves him in charge.

Matt and his "Battle" (a term Army uses to officially refer to a colleague.  In casual terms, it tends to refer to a strong friendship with someone who has been through battle with you), Beka, who took command of a company last November, and has been Matt's best friend since they graduated from West Point in 2008.

Matt and his mom, who drove eight hours down from Fort Campbell in Tennessee to be here.

Matt and his parents.  Mr. Sinda is a technology teacher at a high school in Michigan.

Matt's family, who rarely get an opportunity to all be together.

Matt's sister, Taylor (on left) and his brother, Shane (on right).

Matt and Beka with their Brigade Commander, COL Elle, a friendly and efficient boss.

Matt's XO (Executive Officer, generally held by a 1LT at the company level), comparing his photos with who I assume to be the Brigade PAO (Public Affairs Officer - ie the photographer who not only covers Matt's company, but all the companies and events two levels up from his command).

Matt (I'm going to try to fix his eyes so they're open), his brigade commander, his battalion commander, and his battle.

It's tradition to give roses to the closest female of both commanders at the beginning of the ceremony.  Red for the outgoing commander's lady to signify the loyalty and devotion of the command to the lady, as well as the sacrifices she had to make to support the commander, and yellow for the incoming to signify a warm welcome and friendship the command extends to the commander's lady.  Matt shook up tradition by asking for two bouquets of yellow roses, one for his mom, and one for me.

As soon as Matt found out he had gotten the position, people started asking me how I felt about never seeing him again for the next two years.  Knowing how much Matt loves his job, and how protectively hard he will work to make sure his soldiers are ok, I decided to ensure Matt remembers not to work too hard, so I got the picture below framed, and the graphic below printed on a mousepad for his office, to remind him there are things waiting for him at home.  I doubt I needed to do it though.  This morning, Matt told me he made two reservations tonight for our Valentine's dinner - one for if he manages to get off of work on time, and one for if he has to stay late.  So I think we're prepared to make things work.  I'm ridiculously proud of his accomplishments (though I can't claim I had any part on helping him reach his goals - yet), and I'm ecstatic that he's doing a job that he loves.  I know he'll feel the same when my chance comes.

Matt and me before one of my best friend's weddings last November.

 

A graphic I made for Matt when he and I had first started dating to show off my photoshop skills.  (I drew all of it using various effects and techniques.) Irene is the name of his car and is his most prized possession.

For the ceremony, Matt's family all traveled many many many miles down.  They also have had a rough year, so the opportunity for all of them to be together for a couple days was a rare treat, and Matt was stoked he got to have them here.  (He tries to deny it, but the boy is a family man through and through.)  Fourteen plus truck-fire-traffic hours from Michigan (where his dad teaches, and his sister is prepping for PA school in May), and eight hours from Tennessee (where his mom is helping his 1LT brother through a rough health problem), both parties arrived safely Tuesday evening.  This was my first time meeting them, so, considering my severe lack of experience being acquainted with "the parents," I was a mite nervous.  Me being me, I was worried - well, that being me and speaking my mind - would end up with an offense or something. As far as I'm aware, things went well and we all emerged from the week drama-free. They all headed back home this morning.


In other news, now that I have a little more time on my hands, I will try to make sure I post more consistently.  With my feet finally on the mend, I can start venturing forth for more photo adventures and find more excuses to re-attach my trusty Nikon to my palm. Babbling complete.